Words.

Dave's company is getting bigger, can see from e no. of staffs that has been slowly increasing for e past 1 year. Some came & go, while e old group still stays & I wonder why am I still around. Anyway, e usual stuffs except this time round most of got $100 bonus whereas siqi, ken & dave have to fork $1k each for an unaccounted transaction. Sigh, one is never good enough for others no matter how much you have done for them, just one silly mistake or even a misunderstanding can make one labelled as a bastard. Everyone have their own way of doing things, one may think that 'I always think of e interest of others' but does it translate that way to others? Some people think that you are doing for your own interest while some take advantage of it, but e most disheartening one will be those that dont appreciate it yet say things behind your bad. Sigh, so one cant expect anything from others. I guess that I understood how dave felt yesterday night, its e same problem we both have, trying to get our 5cent worth of words into those we care. Actually, I do know that e other party knows what's wrong & what I will say may hurt their feelings(self-esteem) & cause misunderstanding, yet e stubborn part of me just want to get e message across. Of course, it just my opinion & I never take it I'm always right, however I always give e wrong impression... Zzzz... Anyway, it didnt end up in a happy note; neutral should be e best word to describe ba. Sigh.. Its a heavy responsibility to be e one at e top to take care of so many under you & with so many tongues wagging, there is always so much de-conflict to do. I wonder what will happen when I'm back in e company.

Maybe all along its just been a gift for me to let go of her. Yet, it just served to make me more miserable & my resolve dwindles with its ambivalence.