Sian, so much things to unpack! was pondering over my thoughts, hence decided to write it down.
Packing halfway, I sudden thought of you. Wrong, I have always wanted you to be around. Maybe it was what happened, maybe it wasnt. I appreciate for all e things you did.
Ha, next time taxi must booked in advance half an hour liao.
Back to unpacking!
I cycled past for e last time.
& decided to test fate once again.
After 2 pulses, I moved on.
Down e slope, e air was blowing hard on my face as I cycled my way back home.
& I wondered when will it be e next time again?
Perhaps, this is e last.
Home: kitchen.
& I thought of you again,
as I toasted to myself.
Smile more; Nothing is more chio than a smile that warms e heart.
Damn fast, its already 26th march! I need $$$$$$$$..
Some updates.
- I tored a pair of bermudas yesterday, e one my poly mates gave me as one of my birthday present years ago. Sad leh, my favourite pair, it tored when I was trying to climb up e lorry, Zzzz. In e end, had to take a cab back home from woodlands, $18. Gan.
- Met up with dave on tuesday night, seems like another trip to jakarta is inevitable. This time round, I have to get to e outskirts & other towns to sell e products -.- Best news is, after this trip, I might be going Pakistan! Hosay la, who knows I might lay my hands on some RPGs for test-firing, heh. So I am giving everyone a good deal; anyone is free to buy insurance on me :D
- My daily pay was a scam. Apparently, that idiot said I will be paid once e website is done, so am still considered being paid 'daily', Zzzzzz..
- SIM confirmed my university place liao, think out of 100 applications, 100 will get through one la. Sian, my classes are starting in only August, yet they are now asking for payment by 8th April -_- which amounts to around $5k. I need to get a bank loan!
- 3 nights without lights in e room! & no water heater! Worse still, it has been raining for e past few days, bathing at night has never been so miserable!
Sigh, 3 more days & I will be moving out of this place...
I love being in e kitchen at night.
Leaning beside e stove,
sipping from my glass of water.
A peace of mind I get from e silence & serenity doesnt make e full picture. The best could only be someone standing opposite.
And no words are needed, presence will suffice.
Lol, some things just keep on coming back isnt it? Its been 7 years already -.- Still, it managed to creep into one of my conversation. Ha, true enough, I was a bastard that time; e only time. Stepping on 2 boats isnt my forte, yet I did it without thinking of e consequences. I wanted to have e best of both worlds, which was a fucking selfish act, I regretted it. It was my 16th birthday, for that, I received a watch from dorcas. I remember it was a Swatch with golden ring strap; those that without clasp. Nice watch, however I lost it within a week, apparently some faggot stole it while I was playing basketball in school. Surprisingly, I got another one from her, to replace e lost one; another Swatch, this time round it is a silver color one, with silver ring strap. Then I recalled, she had been skipping meals recently & initially I attributed it to poor appetite, you know girls huh? My mistake, she had been saving up to get me e watches. It was then I realised my folly, hence I ended e other relationship. However, it was too late, 7 months down e road, she broke up with me, citing a fade of feelings. Not long, I was told of e 'main' reason by one of her close friend that religion was e cause(which I dont wish to elaborate). And just now, I was told by a close friend of mine that it wasnt e case, it was e abovemention (which I actually heard it 5 years back from victor, ha!) Glad to say, it doesnt matter to me anymore & this entry is more of a reflection.
Anyway, its a wonder that I can still remember e whole incident; am very stm(short term memory) hehe.. To date, e watch is still serving me faithfully.
Good things always last, isnt it?
While I breathe,
I Hope.
While I live,
I Love.
While I think,
I think of You.
And whatever I miss,
its all found in You.
I write this not to the many, but to you only; for you and I are surely enough of an audience for each other.
(Epicurus, quoted by Seneca Philosophus.)
I feel like banging e wall after reading a certain post. Sigh, am waiting for e plane at a smoking lounge; didnt know it is a smoking one cos micheal say got wifi access & I happily followed along, that fucker.
As I was on my way to e airport, I looked out of e car window, e skyline of Jakarta was absolutely stunning; it was sunset time. Somehow, someone came into my mind.
I want to see you now.
Finally, internet access after 5 days living without it. Fucking shit, micheal who is sitting at e next terminal keep on looking at my window -.- Nevermind, its been damn boring here & its good to have another lame ass around to lame together. Well, an update to my daily activities, more or less is e same everyday. Without fail, I will wait up at 9am to have breakfast.. alone; 1st 3 days cos micheal had not arrived, as for e past few days, that idiot always overslept. When he finally wakes up, I will be still sleeping, bad habit though. Afternoon, we will be at one of e mega malls advertising our products & have our lunch there. Come to evening, e boredom starts to kick in, always stuck in e fucking jam, e worst one was more than 2hrs! Can you imagine 2hrs in e taxi? Back to hotel, always zhou bo, talk cock with micheal (he & his lame ass joke most of e time, more lame than me) or hone my skills against AI at dota, sian lo. What can 2 men do in e hotel room? Ha. Actually, I also dont know what to really write in this post, there are some things which I wish to write but cant write :( Alright, start with my 1st day.
16th Sunday
Reached Jakarta at around 1030am, was damn sleepy cos I only slept 1hr for e whole night? Ha, worth it though. First stop, Roxy mas, e main centre for mobile phone trading & communications stuff in Java island. I did a recce for e top floor down & went to search for e various shops that used to trade with us, sadly almost all ceased to exist; my last visit was 4 years ago. Luckily, I spotted Osman's sister on e 4th floor, got a new indo no. from her & some relevant information. Apparently, some of e china TV phones has already penetrated into their market & are already licensed, Zzzzz. That makes my job even harder cos none of my models are registered. Ha, so I started my rounds on e 1st floor, going to shops after shops, promoting my sets while siphoning information from them; this is what I called Humint(Army stuff, lol) Sian, couldnt find any buyers who are willing to buy in bulk. Worse still, I was being followed & my suspicion was double confirmed when I asked one of e shop keeper to keep an eye on my back while I made a round. I dont know why I was being followed & it wasnt wise to stay around as it was getting late. Hence, went to have a quick dinner & took a cab back to hotel. 1st night alone wasnt that bad, cos there was a live match being telecasted; Palermo - Inter milan! Damn tiring day, I fell asleep at around 1am without replying e last message. Strange huh, I was looking forward to this business trip, but somehow I kinda regret it now.
17th Monday
Breakfast! Very simple, just nasi goreng. I simply love their fried rice, you just cant find it anywhere in s'pore that can match their taste. Went back to Roxy mas again, cos I only covered e 1st floor e day before & thats only 3/4 of it for e whole afternoon. Well, it was faster then, as I filtered out e shops that cant converse in english/chinese/hokkien. Not bad, I managed to find a few shops that are interested in our products & willing to get a few sets to try it out. However, due to some forwarding difficulties, I had to postpone e orders to another day. Back in hotel, really nothing to do, wenhui did come & visit me for awhile; nabei, kept on playing e TV phones until they low batt, Zzzzz. I couldnt sleep e whole night, insomnia! Something is very wrong. Ya, I gave up on leeching wifi from e available networks, my laptop just cant connect to them! Ahhh!! I think I fell asleep at 4am, finally.
18th Tuesday
Zzzzz, Corrine kept singing to me while I was sleeping, ha. My phone rang at least thrice in e morning, micheal had reached Jakarta, but his luggage is missing! It was a bad day for me & an extremely bad one for him. After meeting me at e hotel, we went over to Manga dua to source for new buyers for e game consoles. Spent e whole afternoon walking around e malls, but we only managed to secure one buyer. Somehow, micheal morale was quite frustrated, cos all e sample goods that he brought from S'pore were all inside e luggage bag. So, we made our way back to hotel. Upon reaching, we received a call from e Valuair, seems that micheal's luggage was found & it will be sent to our hotel. It was a good news, until e 2nd call came, e customs wanted his luggage bag code as they wanted to examine e contents. Of course, we didnt allow that, so had to go to e airport instead & e cb taxi driver wanted to rip us which we had no choice, cos we wanted to get e luggage asap.
@ e airport, we were ushered into a room & one of e airport official stated that we had to pay 100k ruppiah each for a pass to get into baggage retrival area. Again, we dont have a choice, but only micheal went in, if not I had to pay e 100k too. I waited for 15mins before micheal emerged, looked damn nervous? The same fucking officer didnt want to let go of micheal's luggage until we pay him some 'coffee money'; 100k, which was given to him. On board e taxi, e taxi driver tried to rip us too, ccb, but micheal gave in. Then he told me what happened. Once in e retrival area, he was brought into a room with around 8 airport officials. They told him it is against e law to bring in electronic goods without being taxed & they intended to confiscate them. If micheal dont agree, they will keep him in custody & let him go e next day, without e goods. Fuck la, in this kind of situation, he was coerced to give in to their demands. Around $200SGD was given to them before they allowed him to leave with e luggage & they even wanted to take his ipod nano. Fuckers. Sigh, we went to have dinner at some nearby roadside restaurant, quite nice leh, especially e kangkong! Still had goreng pisang, also superb! Again, I only managed to sleep at 4am.
19th Wednesday
Morning as usual, breakfast alone, that idiot didnt want to wake up. Halfway thru, I was recalling where did I have my breakfast with joyce when she came with me to Jakarta last time, ha. After last night discussion, we decided to go Surabaya e next day by plane. Hence, met wenhui at his condo apartment which is just beside our hotel. At e booking agency, it was told all airlines were fully booked. Ha, I told them I die die wouldnt take Adam Air, 3 crashes in 6mths, you want to take? Luckily, e airline bankrupt liao! Wahahaha. Next alternative was by train, however was fully booked too. Last resort, by car, that was also fully booked! No choice, had to take wenhui's car instead, that was agreed then. On wenhui's suggestion, we went to Cempaka mas instead of Koningan. Total waste of time, e shops there are all doing retail, none with distributor capabilities. So, we decided to leave for Roxy mas to meet up interested buyers. The time was 510pm when we left Cempaka mas, we reached Roxy at around 830pm, WTF. The jam is really a big killer, really nothing can be used to describe it, just terrible.
Fuck, I dont have e mood to write anything now. I mean it when I said those words again.
Flying off to Jakarta in 10mins, lol. No matter how hard it is, I really want you to be by my side now; missing you.
Do you wake up in e morning & e first thing you do is to glance at e phone to see whether someone message you?
I do.
Do you in e day, when you are bore & you just wish that some idiot is around to spend the boredom with you?
I do.
Do you in e night, alone in e dark, with e silence, think of someone & long for that person to be around?
I do.
Sian la, first time go Jakarta taking budget airline -.- Ha, I will be on my own till tuesday, by then micheal will be joining me, then coming back either on e 21st or 22nd March. Sigh, I keep feeling uneasy.. shrugs~ ; not on e trip.. Hmm..
Some things are just meant to happen, you never know when it comes.
I did it without knowing why I did it. It just happens.
Had lunch with joyce yesterday @ Lighthouse; a western cuisine restaurant tucked in a corner at Lavender. At first, I was rather tongue-tied; excited? No. Nervous? Yes, I was filled ith it though I'm 100% sure my face showed no signs of it. Ha, I cant remember what e conversation was about cos I wasnt really concentrating on it; my mind was filling with something else. Well, she didnt change much, still e nice sweet face & curvy body(need to exercise more?), maybe dressing sense changed abit. Ahh, she is aging gracefully? Lol, I kept using this word for e past 2 days! Ya, it started with qinqing! Its like looking back at her(qing) younger days, she is 2 yrs older than me & I knew her when I was 16? She definitely changed alot, 'expose' as much as possible used to be her norm culture & now she has this feminine way of dressing (chic look) without much exposure yet ooze abit of sexiness, is this e right way to describe? Lol.. Alright, actually I really looked forward to this meeting, its like after so long, we finally can have a conversation over a meal. Yet, I find it hard to face her; it was regret that was filling my mind. At that point, I asked myself why is this happening? Why e distance? Then a message came in, which temporarily brought me out of it. Someone woke up late! Lol, it did bring a moment of smile on my face. & e meal ended like how a meal ended, I really dont know what to say.
Finally, had my left earlobe pierced yesterday! I can wear earrings le! Okie, studs. Wahahahah.. Sian, 1st day of work is to go sweep phone & its been a long while since I last did that 4 years ago? Gawd. Time for some practice.
Zzzzz, supposed to be reading a book now, but I was disturbed by some idiot who sent a wave of messages on msn -.- Hence, decided to write a new entry.
Slept at 6am yesterday, couldnt sleep at all. Lol, saw joyce online at around 3am plus & we chatted till around 5am. Sigh, I also dont know what was I thinking yesterday night, e action was uncalled for, yet I still did it. Anyway, got a good news from dave this afternoon, I be going to Jakarta! Wahaha, its been a long time since I last went there, I miss e nasi goreng! This time round, most probably micheal will be joining me. If not, I will be going alone again; which I prefer. Actually after talking to joyce, I realised I wasted alot of time doing 'wu ga bo' , though what we talked about was totally irrelevant to this. Ha, I just want to leave this place for awhile, to understand what I want, whom my heart is calling to. Fuck la, put this aside first.
I got my new speakers! Creative T20 for $159, abit xim tia though. Followed by a new Linksys draft N router for $159 too, so I can download porn faster right? Ai seh. The companies should pay me some $ for advertising their products. Finally, my mum got her wish, a Toshiba 32inch for $699, quite a steal huh? Luckily, I wasnt e one who paid for that, she did! Wahhahaha..
The stars were with us throughout e journey. As we battled streams & mountains, we made a startling discovery! An loose excerpt from: Final Fantasy Tactics. Lol!
Bad morning la, stars werent with me for e whole morning, anyway morning cant see stars too. Was shifting my wardrobe this morning & I was awaken by victor! Ha. Initial moving party consisting of my bro, victor, siqi, james, marcus & me were to meet at 930am at my house, but I overslept. In e end, only victor came; siqi got something to settle(in e end also overslept), james got family thing to settle, marcus overslept. No choice lo, only left victor & my brother to help. Worse still, I was having a very bad headache. The wardrobe was too big to be moved out, so had to dismantle it. Luckily before we went to woodlands, marcus woke up, then we had lunch at Ghim moh food centre; chicken rice! Alot of chicken rice stalls there, so I went to recce, ordered from e stalls with e longest queue -.- Finally, reached my new house, to bring e planks up 4 storeys really damn xiong. The lift only served e 6th & 12th floor if I remember correctly? & its also too far from my unit. Hence, we took e stairs! Just as we were to finish assemble e right supporting plank, e top piece came crashing down & took e metal bar in e middle along. Great, e base completely wasted, plus e side which were holding e bar & e top cracked too. Zzzzz... Really so much for everything lo, have to buy a new wardrobe le. Gan.
Maybe I'm just too protective over things that are precious to me. I dont wish to see another tragedy unfold before me, while I can still do something about it. Sigh, its hard to do e right things & be understood by others at e same time. I need e listening ear you always provided, e wisdom from your calmness & most important; your smile. I miss you.
Was late for camp this morning. I was supposed to wake up at 530am, but found myself looking at e phone at 7am, lol. No choice, hailed a cab lo, after moving for around 200m, I received a sms. "Alright charlie, you can go ahead." Zzzz, cos yesterday night, I sms my superior whether I can take off anot & he didnt reply until then, thx la. But nevermind, cab fare only $4 nia, still can go home sleep for awhile before going to my new house. Again, I overslept, so my brother went without me. Then again, we scheduled to meet up 12pm at Ikea to look for new furniture; I didnt go, too lazy to wake up. Sigh, buy new furniture means burning hole in pocket & I already have a few in mind.
Okie la, e 2nd one is abit redundant since I can use my laptop to play music through e speakers. Sian, looks like e only time I can go to Ikea will be next week & alone again :( Hai...
Hehe, just took a pic with my sister. Funny girl, e moment it started to rain heavily, she rushed towards e windows & tried to climb up; to close e windows, not afraid of height seh. Doesnt behave like a girl at all! Ha. Well, she does provide e main fun & laughter for my whole family :) Time for some coffee!
2 words, damn xiong. It is my 1st time taking part in a biathalon, think e most difficult part was e swim in e open sea. The water is really super salty & e rough waves make e swim even more challenging. Lol, I think I was one of last out of e swim wave. Followed by e run, 10km around east coast. Strange, e trainings that I undertook was really damn easy, everytime after e swim in e swimming pool, running was a breeze. However, it was different yesterday, when I reached e 2km mark, it felt as if that I had already ran 4km? Ha, must be e swim, exerted too much energy on it. Anyway, finally finished it, they went to have lunch with my superiors; katong laksa!!! Wahahaha.. The rest of e afternoon was spent sleeping, really needed it, cos I havent been sleeping well for e past few weeks, kept having recurring nightmares. I also dont know why, e nightmares kept revolving around e same person. Well, strange thing is most of us cant remember what we dreamt of, but I can remember one of it vividly.
Sigh, its happening all over again. Fuck.
