Continue..

Hehe, went for a 5km run with my encik yesterday, thats why stopped writing. At night, went off to pioneer mall for lan with my campmates. Hmm, I'm thinking about whether to take part in e nus biathalon as my fitness still not there yet, 1.5km swim followed by 10km run. My encik taking part in e NDU one, somemore he doesnt look that fit; boy, he's fast la, cos 3 of us competed shuttle run with him & he won all of us, diao, never judge someone by his age & SIZE, haha. Anyway, get back to where I stopped yesterday.

A lady once told me that I'm in love with e concept of love. Ya, I do, more or less due to my family background. When I was young, my parents always fought infront of me, I saw how my dad cheated on my mum & how he treated our family. Thus, I always think that problems must be sort out first, then quarrels or rifts wouldnt occur. Another thing is that I will cherish my love ones & give them e best of what I can provide so that they will be happy even at e expense of myself, cos in e end, if they are happy, I will be happy too :) Lol, I still hold on to e principles & beliefs that she told me, which others stared at me in disbelief when I tell them, haha.. Why e reaction? Because they felt that these kind of thinkings shouldnt be coming out from a guy so 'ungentleman' like me, spewing expletives like a machine gun at times. Hehe, I can understand it & I dont care anyway, because I'm who I'm, one should change for ownself, not for e sake of others. So, dont be frustrated if you cant understand me, love me for who I'm, dont be mad when I poke fun at you & dont be sad whenever I cant make you laugh. Later going for run le!

I just want to be, in e tranquil night, walking down e familiar path, with you by my side, holding my arms, voicing about our future right under e starry night.
Stopping, to have a glance at you, I brush your hair away, your enchanted smile, imprinted in my mind, never fails to make my day bright.
Alluring scent, even with my eyes close, makes your presence felt, as I inch closer, our heartbeats become one, my dry lips, touch yours, such a nice kiss we had, though not e first,& hopefully, not e last, I wish that, time will stop at a standstill...
Thinking of you..


P.S Just sudden thought of writing this as I was about to log off..

Easy to love, difficult to understand?

Yes, back into e forbidden mess, cos some technician came over to repair some of e computers & I'm supposed to 'supervise', hehe. Met afew of my old platoon mates over lunch, they came back as they have to attend some course. Then, got a good pal of mine who just got posted to some slack unit last week also met me & e rest. Damn, he's having a good life now, 8 to 5, zhou bo, everyday play pool, ZZZzzZZzz. Haha, downside to it, means will get fat easily because of no physical training. Anyway, this few days feeling quite down, but never really show it to anyone, trying to master e art of concealing feelings. Hard though, but worth a try, cos I realised that I'm difficult to understand & always misunderstood. So, dont say anything, dont show anything, dont do anything & nothing will happen! Somehow, I'm always threading on beliefs & hope, though I already tried to forsake e latter. Foolish me, I used to believe that one must always do e best to achieve your goals even if they are unattainable, but somehow I realised that I'm tired from it, so I 'adopted' to just let things be. Sadly, it doesnt prove to be a good move as it has proven me wrong for e past few weeks. Cont later..

为了爱我争扎，为了你我却谜失了方向...

Went to meet up with e secondary gang yesterday night, it was quite rush, as I only got to book out at 1130pm due to L/F duties. Dont know why, like to look at e sky this few days, keep snapping pictures of it. Anyway, met them at Kbox, didnt sing, my mind was preoccupied with something else. I really cant take it, e boredom, e usual flashbacks of familiar stuffs, makes me wonder if I really had move myself from e starting point. Well, it prove me wrong yesterday night; I was trying my best to be compose, keeping those words that shudnt be said. So, here I am, at loss again...

I miss you, thats e exact feeling that I have all this while afterall...

Something about myself

Lol, still in camp, resting in e mess now. Somehow, while talking to a trainee yesterday made me think about what have I been doing this past 3 years. It started with a normal conversation cos I was e COS(Coy orderly sergeant) & he was e duty trainee, so he was my night understudy & we had to stay e night in e coy office. Actually I didnt expect him to say much, cos he was those kind of quiet type who seem to keep things to themselves. Ah, never judge a book by its cover. Then, he was telling me he signed on! Something foolish which I nearly did a few months back & how his recent r/s ended. I wasnt really concentrating much, haha, cos I was playing my psp, quite anxious to level up my characters,hee.. Somehow, a sentence from him struck me, so there I go again, until now, thinking of what I did. Daily struggles of life, seems that everyday, everyone has something to "struggle" against, be it work, love life, studies, financial, it can be anything. Life can never be perfect, but everyone wishes for it, same goes for me, but if you really have one, would you learn anything in life?

I think that I'm very screw up, cos I dont really know how to express myself, my feelings, even if I do, its always misintepreted. However, I'm very good at being a spoiler & lots of time unknowingly hurts others with my stupid comments. No matter how much you care for others, one single mistake is enough to condemn you for e rest of your lifetime. So to think back, even if people are willing to give you a chance, no matter how much u try, it wouldnt change anything..would it? Time will tell..

Sian le...

Nothing much happened this 2 days because most of e time in camp. Ya, I remember, when I book in on sunday, I realised that my shower, bathing & facial foam all lost. Fuck, wanted to bath, in e end, had to "outsource" from my mates. I dont know which idiot took it la, damn sad lo, this kind of things also want to take. Anyway, been playing a psp game called "Valkyrie Profile", addicted to it liao, playing with it wherever I go. Just now, went outfield to provide rations for e trainee as they are on field camp, sitting at e back of e 5tonne, with e wind blowing, damn nice la, haha, somehow I miss outfield, miss alot of things in life, wondering if I'm not in ns now, what will I be doing at this time, lol. Actually, this few days been thinking about those things that I shouldnt be thinking. Hai, later going to have nights out but also dont know what to do. Jin gui's birhtday coming this friday but dont know whether can book out anot, hehe, I havent get a present for him yet, hmm....

This feeling again...

Received a call in e late afternoon, haha, my cousin wanted to treat me lunch,so we went for e sushi buffet at suki sushi, eat too much until I felt like vommiting. After filling up, we went to play pool & then I thought of her, e posture she will take when playing pool with me, seldom see girls with such a nice posture. Lol, in fact most of e time when I'm playing pool, this image of her just pop up in my mind. My cousin didnt know my mind was preoccupied, so I ended e game after a few rounds. Nostalgic, keep on thinking why shouldnt she be around, hai..Next, went to library return & borrow some books, then I went down to tlh meet ken & jj. Eversince I enlisted into NS, I have never attended any company meeting, still e same, but alot of reminders for me to be serious before e meeting, ZZzzZZzz. Same procedures with e same talk cock sessions. End of meeting, Ken, Siqi, JJ & I went for dinner at wen tong ji, I didnt eat much because still quite full. On e way there, they were talking about my brother, about his attitude & temper, which are getting worse. Hai, I admit I'm partly at fault, always spoon feeding him, somehow I thought of what she said before, anyway, I called my brother while eating, then blasted him on e phone. Nothing much I can do, but only to scold him & explaining to him why I did that, eventually he still have to solve it on his own. Thereafter, e rest went Kbox, because I didnt have e mood to do anything, my mind was or is? preoccupied with alot of things, cant sleep now though have to work tomorrow. While walking back home, I thought of giving you a call, but I think it doesnt make any sense, you might be with him now, haha, this is totally ...I just miss you, can?

I want to go New York!!

Just wake up, feel so tired, reached home at 6am in e morning, was playing dota with JJ, siqi & ken until 3am, then went to eat at macdonalds. Lol, then it begin a 3hr long session talking about how ken got to like a girl in japan, I was giving those negative points most of e time, insert abit jokes here & there. In e end, JJ said want to bring him for a makeover, to instill some confidence in him, because if he dont take this opportunity to change himself now, it's likely he will remain like that for e rest of his life. Anyway, JJ was saying about going new york to look for business opportunities, I want to go too! Hai, I really dont know what I'm doing at times too, dont know why, this few days, I will suddenly smile for no reason, going crazy soon, lol... Ok, let's talk about what happened this few days.

Wednesday Mambo night
Of course, same as usual, great night outing again, sort of celebrated qinyi birthday, most of them left at around 2am cos got class e next day, so left me, sharon & siqi. Hehe, we started off at phuture, playing 5-10, 3up, 4up, most of them really psychomoto,haha.. Afterwhich, we were at zouk most of e time, then I taught them tropical dance,hahahah, & there were 2 times when an angmoh tried to dance with sharon, but she kept slipping away, in e end he gave up, towards e closing, both of them wanted to go phuture, which I dreaded...I wanted to 'zhao' when we were there, but those 2 kept pulling me back, no choice, stuck there till closing, dont know why leh, I still dont like rnb, some songs are nice la, but most of them sucks, hehe..

Thursday recovery day
Rush back to camp after washing up at home, I was totally wrecked, even my encik also jokingly asked, 'eh, how was your family dinner r?' I literally stoned at coy office until 3pm, skipping lunch cos had "breakfast", sharon treated before we went home. Really cant take it, went up to sleep, next time I woke up, it was already 1230am, details I cant remember, but I just fall back to sleep onmy pillow, it was already 7am when I finally wake up, 1st time in for e past 1 year, I slept 17hrs straight!

Friday Hide & seek day
Haha, why I say hide & seek? Cos my guardian, encik, today on off, so all e shitloads of work were pouring in which shouldnt be done by us. Luckily, not much things to do, went for a 5km run with my coy in e late afternoon, then booked out at 7pm.

Ya, I just uploaded new video clip. It is "Sail" by Armin van buuren. Trance!!!!!

Mambo nite!!

Yeah! Finally back home! I have been cooping in camp this past 3 days, other than e parade nothing much happened. Ya, saw donovan at boon lay interchange yesterday night, seems like he also have to stay in now because he superior sort of unhappy that he took attc, anyway, had a good chat with him, always e same old topic, but dont know why just seem to be able to hold it very long. Hehe, got off today because have to attend qinyi's birthday. Hai, I thought it was a celebration, turned out just that she wana jio us out to clubbing, ZZzzZZzz. Haha, its ok la, anyway, I got other plans beside going her birthday, Grinz.. At least its a good start, my dear encik seldom give people off one sia, somemore e 1st time I asked him on monday, he didnt want to give at all. Then , dont know for what reason, he told me that I could go off today at 3pm,hahaa. Actually I also quite tired, been playing board games this past few nights, yesterday was e longest one la, until 3am plus then sleep, early morning today, kena some stupid duty, have to wake up at 610am, went down for half an hour, then one of my mates told me that our duties are cancelled __. Nevermind, tonight sure have fun lo!!

I want some more Munich dark!!

Went to watch Borat with siqi & woan ni, 1st time I see a girl coming to watch e ending, lol. Stupid girl la, told me she coming in 15mins time, in e end, came in 15mins before e show end ZZzzzz. It was quite a funny show, abit racist too, haha. After which, I wanted to go clubbing, but someone was wearing slippers!! Ok, I know what you all thinking, but I was wearing shoe yesterday leh. Sooooo, we went to paulaner at millenia to chill out & watch soccer. Same stuff, talk cock, drank dark munich! Then suddenly siqi say want to smoke, out of nowhere, woan ni took out a pack of marlboro. Wtf, I thought, then she explained; stress at work la, need to destress, I wasnt really listening cos suddenly thought of her. Anyway, those idiot just social smokers & I still dont get it how can it relieve stress. No, I didnt try & I will never try, drinking liquer will be much much much more better! Haha, free booze yesterday because woan ni treated & I won a glass of kahlua over a soccer match. Next, at 130am we went to lao pat sat had supper, then went home.

Hehe, just had spaghetti with chilli mackeral, super nice la. Sian, later still need to iron no.4 & starch it because of tommorow parade; 4 star Thai general coming. Often, there's never time to do things right, but there's always time to do it over again.

Super tired...

Just woke up, reached home at 12pm today. I havent been blogging this past few days, because was in camp & had no access to mess. Let me do abit of recap then, went Zouk on wednesday with james, marcus & sharon. Idiot qinyi, she was supposed to go along, but last minute pull out due to next morning classes, so I was left with sharon, heng, I managed to ask james & marcus along, quite fun that night & I did something silly, just a very minor one la, haha. Hmm, but I dont know why, cant seem to drink that night, 1st to come was long island tea, e 1st sip I already cant take it liao, wtf.. Halfway thru, james & marcus ordered e33, cider yeah! Then about half an hr later, james idiot lo, he went to get red wine, wtf, after that forced to drink again, I think in e end, left 1/4 of it there. So, we were there until 3.30am, sharon left for mos at 3.15am to hitch a ride from her friend there. Then , we guys went to have some supper & headed home. Next day in camp, I couldnt eat at all, must be e damn red wine, I felt nausea e whole day, luckily managed to grab a bite in e cookhouse. One of my army mate brought in monopoly & risk, so for e next 2 nights, we were playing monopoly all e way till 2-3am. Haha, army really damn sian to this extend, 4-6 army boys playing old school games, though stupid, it was quite enjoyable, each taking turn to say our life stories while playing. Ya, went to watch kungfu mahjong during nights out yesterday, quite funny, my camp mate cb lo, keep on doing hanky panky with his gf during movie & he was just seated right next to me..ZZzZZZzZ.. Doing catch up with siqi later, log off le..

People always find it easy to admit mistakes to themselves, but e hardest part is to admit them to someone else..

Bad timing, wrong timing, what can be worst?

I was watching 'train man' when I decided to write here, then she suddenly msn me. For awhile, I wanted to ignore her just giving curt reply until she asked me "how have you been?" I think I'm still e same, just that e worst has already made e worst out of me, nothing can be more worse than this right? Stop asking me those questions which I cant answer, you know it yourself maybe even better than I know myself. Good for you that you are happy now, I've no qualms about it. Anyway, its fine that e attachment is no longer there, feelings no longer there, whatever fuck it is, as long you happy can liao, ok? When I was watching 'train man', its a jap drama; a guy, who's a big loser in life, cos he's too kind, obssess with anime, nerd dressing, shy, all these made people around him to despise him. Due to a bully, he managed to know the girl of his dreams & set out to win her heart by doing all sort of silly things by nearly lose her because of a lie. I only seen halfway of it, so dont know e whole outcome, but when I saw e main actress rushing all e way to an exhibition just to pass him a letter, it reminds me of that time someone bought me durian strudels all e way from tampiness while she was still working, haha, its always this sweet memories that used to bring a smile to my face, yet I'm crying now.
Know why I finally been able to make decisions? Because I realised that I didnt change, you were e one who changed...

When u are waiting, time always seem to move very slow; yet when you see her, time just pass by you so fast that you wish you hav more time to spend with her.

Life still goes on..

Had an arguement with my mum just now over xiaoliat, she kept on asking why he was brought here only yesterday then died suddenly, damn sian to explain e whole thing to her. His image still fills my mind, seeing him struggling until he gave his last breath at around 2am yesterday, I did try my best, but no use.
I stayed at home e whole day until dinner, met up with chang at jurong east, went to sakura eat e buffet dinner, it was quite nice, got alot of seafood stuffs; raw oysters, clams & one of favourite unagi! After finish dinner, went down to tlh talk cock with Ken, then we went tiong bahru chat over coffee, seems like this idiot got a crush or should I say infatuated? with a jap girl he met in japan last week. Lol, e spectacle shop auntie used to say my company guys all kena burnt in r/s except him because he's too smart to indulge in it. Haha, looks like he kena it this time round, so desperate, even wanted to save $$ to fly to japan asap, crazy guy.
Actually, I was thinking about her this past few days, realise that e distance between us is growing further apart maybe its because we arent each other life anymore. I also dont wish to do anything to bridge this gap or do I?Alright, I want to, but in e end, it will just be another one sided effort, hai. Anyway, I already made up my mind to do some things, hope that they wouldnt be another disappointment again..

Life ebbing away, dont give up...

Went to fetch xiaoliat in e afternoon, before that I was looking frantically looking for a clinic that will be open on sunday. Finally managed to get one from xiuling, rush a cab down from my house to sunset way, after waiting for 20mins, finally is our turn. One look at it, e vet knew that he has not been eating for at least a few days, because it cant be that thin & its stomach was empty. I told her e symptoms & briefly how e female one died, but e vet couldnt give me a exact answer, xiaoliat could be infected or stress up, either one is fatal, because once guinea pigs stop eating, their stomach system shut down which in turn will lose appetite & then starved to death. I have been looking at him e whole day, force feed him e medicine accordingly together with e liquified food, but he dont seem to be getting better. Seeing him struggled while I force feed him really break my heart.

He's now leaning on one side, like breathing very hard, yet I cant do anything at all. He's been struggling this whole night, wtf, I dont want to lose him! Hope he really get well by tommorow..

Economics of love?

Hmm, why am I still awake at this hour? Preoccupied with many stuffs in my mind. In fact, I literally spent e whole day in coy line thinking about significant events that happened e past 2 weeks. Haha, more than often, I'm always left with words/sentences that doesnt seem to make any sense? or they seem to be ambiguous? Communication, in e old days, was like face to face talk. Since e invention of mobile phone follow by sms, communication between individuals have reach a higher level. You can say that it brings people closer? But then, I beg to differ, because you dont really know what e other party is trying to say & normally conversation comes with e body language to let you further assert what e other party is saying. Haha, sometimes I feel that I think too much, trying to understand e hidden meaning within e words & end up with alot of possible answers. So, I'm just screwing myself up yet again. Somehow, I dont know whether am I moving in e right direction, there's no right or wrong, just that for something that I gain, I will lose another. Hehe, economics..Of course, I wouldnt allow history to repeat again, enough of having so many history lessons liao, time for social science!!

Fun seh..

Lol, was suppose to meet jieqi earlier yesterday, but played dota until forget time, in e end she had to eat macdonalds. Well, me, jieqi, qinyi & her boyfriend went phuture 1st, I ordered 2 jugs long island tea, then play 5-10. Haha, jieqi 1st time clubbing, made her drank more, then siqi & sharon came over, ordered vodka lime. Dancing halfway through, dont know why my crotch sudden pain, then I had a great idea, I asked weijian to get red wine, haha.. In e end, I cannot take it, went out of zouk alone to e bridge behind. Then all e rest came out & find me, guess I was there for nearly 1.5 hrs, kept on trying to puke all e things out. Jieqi was completely drunk, her boi had to carry her up & send her home. Hai, at certain moment, I was quite emotional, luckily sharon was beside, pour out all my emotions to her. We went back to zouk at ard 3am, then dance all e way to closing, hehe, drank 2 more tequila pop before going off. Then we parted our ways, qinyi with her boyfriend went home, me, siqi & sharon went to have a bite at e 24hr hongkong cafe?

Anyway, it was great yesterday night, had lots of fun, really felt at ease, though at certain time I had flashback of e past. Well, new year, new start, good start. Maybe should hang out with them more often. Haha, gotta rush back to camp liao ar!!!

Smile more in your heart..

Hai, another piece of sad news, though not like mine, but I really pity e guy la. Somehow, this is really e season of breaking, heard too many about r/s thingy. Yesterday, went to vivocity to get some shirt & a jacket, got one for siqi too, lol, its been a long time since I buy my clothes alone. Initially had to rush down to suntec to meet my cousin, luckily she told me at 5pm she not free, then I went over tanglin halt find siqi. After his work, we met up with our primary school friends; qinyi, sharon, woan ni & jieqi, went to coffee club, chit chat, talk cock. Lol, woan ni still e same as ever, damn funny girl. We were talking about what happened 10 years ago, haha, those days were darn silly sia, me & siqi always do stupid things in school. After that, we went to wala-wala for drinks, hehe, have to explain to them what are some of e cocktails about. Siqi & I ordered long island tea, e rest s'pore sling, comopolitan & woan ni ordered kilkeny!! Well, we chat, we laughed, we crapped till around 1am, one thing in common, out of e 6 of us, only qinyi is still attached, e rest r/s just ended recently,lol. Nice to spend the night with you guys, especially woan ni sillyness, made me stomach cramp until now. Hmm, they shall suffer tonight cos of some reasons, Mambo lo!!

New Year liao!!

Yesterday was my best new year eve celebration __ ; I spent e night with beng watching Blood diamond at cwp, then played battlefield 2012 at his house, (-_-)" . I thought will be going clubbing, but most of them not free, e liquers on sale confirm will be expensive, so I just slack at home whole day msn until 9pm then went to find beng at woodlands. Hmm, somehow I'm quite confuse? Happy? Sad? Thinking too much? Haha, just because of "If only I can". Hai, I really dont get the whole idea. Anyway, if it turns out to be something good, I wouldnt mind seeing it coming, if only I can. Crap...

Today, I thought I woke up at e wrong side of e bed, because I saw someone sleeping beside me! Sad, its beng la. Sian, went to play battlefield 2012, damn nice game la, I going to get it once I get my laptop back, lol, dont know when again. Afternoon, I went to my grandma house & stayed there e whole day, played basketball with my bro & cousins, saw a rainbow, managed to capture it on my phone. Hee, my auntie made almond jelly, been a long time since I ate it, miss e ones she made last time. Then, Joel called me to join him at Attica later, however he last minute cancel, think because Huien not going ba. So, here I am back in my cosy room, but then still hard to fall asleep, lol. Hai, need to do some soul searching with regards to some things ba..