Zzzz..

Ah fuck.. Should have waited for e 8800 carbon Arte.

Everything.

Everything happens for a reason, but must there be a meaning to everything?

Too much thoughts.

Damn. I cant sleep.
What happened over e past few days.

Tuesday.

First lesson at 830am; Statistics. I woke up at around 630am, but decided to sleep another 15mins more; woke up at 8am instead, missed my 1st lesson of e year, great. Initially, wanted to head home after lesson, very sleep deprived for e past few days; sleeping debts are cumulative :( However, one of my staff fell sick, so I went to work in Toa payoh branch instead. Then, did a stock inventory over there, ended up transferring a whole list of goods to my branch instead. Had dinner with siqi after work, followed by several rounds of pool. Damn, I pocketed white ball at least 3 times for last ball. Slept at 6am.



Wednesday.

Fuck day. Supposed to head back home after work to repay my sleep debt, but ended up downing a jug of gin lime & vodka orange each in Double O. Ya, & one shot of Sex on e beach; but taste of only pineapple/watermelon? Didnt really feel like being on e beach -.- Anyway, was there with siqi, lydia & her cousin. The cousin was scary shit, asking me all kinds of weird questions Zzzzzz. By e time I got out of there, I was already half gone. Had a conversation that went wrong, cos I dont remember what I said & what was being told except for e very last part. Still, I dont understand why I couldnt wait. Again, I slept at 6am.



Thursday.

Woke up at 12pm, nearly mistook it for 11am. A splitting headache to start with, but my very first thought was u. Forced to have my lunch cos my dad already cooked, it was horrible(not e food); e notion of vomitting was constantly on my mind. Went to work with a heavy heart & my world around me just ceased to be, I was collecting my thoughts. Xiaoyi gave me a surprise visit & we had a 30min chat @ Coffee bean. Ha, he's majoring in English literature, fucking hell & got himself a girlfriend! Apparently, he got to know her when he was relieve teaching English, ha. Saw guojun on e latter part of e evening, before e start of any conversation, he already took out his cigarette, Zzzz. Seems like his case wasnt settled yet, attending court tomorrow. (All e best to him). Met a fuckup customer who kept on insisting for a refund of his psp cos there is a dead pixel on his set & still tell me he knows about e dead pixel policy which doesnt warrant a refund; wtf? His reason being ' Just want to feel good about getting his $ worth' & threatened me that he will stay in e shop unless something is done. heh, typical moron. I just gave him a straight no & micheal, always e pacifist, played e babysitter to him. Went home with yih shy after work, she happened to visit her sister & was going home too; just nice to have a listener.
I was waiting for a reply & fell asleep at around 3am.

Today.
& woke up at 7am. In fact, I woke up a few times in between, just couldnt get to sleep. Got e off I wanted, need to sort out my thoughts. Spent one whole day at home? Neh. Think I just get a novel from library & cooped up in Starbucks @Orchard. I wonder what lies ahead? There are so many reasons on why I should give up but am too stubborn in e things I believe, too much faith put in. I dont get it. If things are so precious to hold on to, why nothing is being done to justify it?
Am I asking too much?

Zzzzz..

LOL. I dont know wtf am I thinking.

Lessons later.. damn.

Afterthoughts.

Thoughts were filling up as e repertorie was being played out. I cant understand why am I in this situation, but neither do I want to be somewhere else. Silence held most of e time, as raindrops landed softly on our sides. It was what I wanted all along, a dream I held so dear. & I knew that with each stride we took, I was losing you bit by bit. Upon e gates, none of e words came & all that was left was e void created by your absence. Tears filled, but none could see nor understand. All I wanted to say was ...... Would u?

I dont believe much in fate.
But sometimes, one have to believe.
Coincidences dont happen way too often, for e right reasons.

10mins

Ever get a feeling you are in over your head?

It was e kind of assurance that none can provide & it was given; felt. As I poured out my emotions, e fact became clearer that e replacement was just a fig of your imaginations.

appreciated it.

Why?

Had a big quarrel with my mum,

& I lost my temper.

I just dont get it why does she have to tell others about what's happening in my life when I had told her umpteen times not to. Cant she just try to understand? & of all things, its because I gave someone e benefit of doubt. True, she is concern about me, but thats never e way to show one's concern. Guess its my fault to tell her my stuffs in e first place.


& you know what's e worst of all?


You arent around whenever I need you.

Intricacy.

I dont usually expect anything from others, unless u make me do. & its kinda silly to hold on to intangible stuffs; even promises. Why cant I just take things easier? Seriously, I cant apprehend myself on some of e choices I made.

Am stucked.

For one, I wish time to move faster.

Past one week.

Kinda same routine for e past one week. Monday & tuesday having lectures at sch & e rest of e week, work. Had a half day off today; nobody knew I was free :D Went down to tlh to get some goods for my branch then went back home to rest. Damn nice weather then, rain just stopped & I was lying on my bed, listening to trance & finishing my laptop system migration. ' de le le' -> This is e best I can do for simulating e msn sound when people msg u. Turned out to be one of my OG mates ' hey, saw u in lecture, but I dont know really know is u anot' Cos I wore specs ma, anyway I told her that I did see her too but didnt approach her, LOL.

' You always like to sit at e top corner one'

& I was thinking of replying ' Ya, easier to escape in case of fire' ^.^

'Heh, I like to get away from e crowds'

Dont know why, but I really do like e feeling of being alone in school. No disturbance, no worries except on how not to fall asleep & daydream(which will also lead to falling asleep). Most impressive thing is, one person seems to know what I was daydreaming about, clever ass. Nonetheless, lectures as usual, just that e things being taught are getting harder.
Back on sunday, had a good laugh with tianlong & ken, we were having ice cream at Holland village's Swensen. Ha, just like e good old days, full of crap shit. I had a banana crumble; awesome, ken had a cookie summit & tianlong, some waffle with icecream(like A&W), stupid. Its been a long time since I have this kind of talk cock session with my fellow colleagues; 3-4 years back, everyone would have gathered. Sigh, its kinda sad, workplace now is full of politics. Well, at least joyce was around last time & I would have someone to talk to when am back at home :(
Well....

Finally complete e migration! Use my new T61 liao!

Tired.

am tired too.

Presents!

These are e bounties I received this year.

• DKNY cologne from qing; she said I smell, do I?
• Jacob's Creek unwooded chardonnay from beng & alan, good choice, I finished it myself on e night of my birthday
• A $15 River Island voucher from beng & alan, makes one wonder; why $15? LOL.
• Fruit wine from jin gui & peishan; enjoyed with e bunch on my birthday.
• Yellow watermelon from jin gui & peishan; kinda creative you get from people nowadays. Heh.
• Boxer briefs from yong chang. Hmm...
• Bacardi Oro from joel. Time to finish my opened bottle.
• Trance album from peiwen, very nice & e current song is from e album.
• Pink Gloomy bear from tianlong & ken; I realised I got 3 pink ones -.-
• Nokia E66 from dave. Damn nice phone with cool features.
• Electric shaver from chencao; perhaps too hairy in some parts.
• The time spent, e joy shared & e smile seen were perhaps, one of e best presents I ever had.

Well, thanks again for e presents. A thought of e past.

I saw a wedding dinner being held beside e beach, near to row of seats was table for e solemnisation ceremony. As I walked past, a sense of loss was slowly overwhelming me; e past was opening my closed wounds . But you were there & your touch allayed my fears, soothing it was, I felt calmness & warmth. I really couldnt ask for more in exchange for this beautiful moment.

Life is beautiful somehow.

Elsewhere.

2nd week of school.
Principle of banking & finance - Got to know stuffs on mutual funds & how it works. Kinda interesting, perhaps I will try my hand on it next month. Maths, going deeper in differentiation & integration, though I hate them, they keep me awake. Stats boring as usual. Econs, 1st lesson this week, very interesting which explain why I didnt doze off for e whole lesson.
Been distracted lately, I cant seem to focus on whatever I am doing. Take running for example, I cant seem to control my breath. & during lectures, my sight kept shifting towards e phone, how? Sometimes I just wish for that day to stay locked in time, so that I can repeat it again. If not, just a minute so that I can make you smile while I keep e whole world at bay. Or just a few seconds, so that I can look into your eyes & peer thru e window of your mind.

Not trying to complicate things, I just want you.

Birthday.

Finally.
23 yrs old.
Had a dinner yesterday with e secondary school bunch & chencao; minus joel & siqi. Almost all e food were bought; there was sushi, soft shell crab from Fiesta, pizza from pizza hut(-.-), unagi, cheese sausages & salad. Ha, its been like more than 10 years since I last spent my birthday at home. Well, e days of celebration are gone & just a simple dinner will do :) Followed by a few rounds of drink( emptied my baileys & e fruit wine gui bought) & lastly, 'Love guru' at causeway point. Thanks for coming & for e presents too!


Sigh, my mind was literally elsewhere.

...

Damn tire, but I keep on waking up.
Perhaps its e longing of a presence.

Try to sleep again.

080808

At e instance, I realised how important some things are. Things dont change overnight, one need to give time in order to let them materialise.

I am. One of e best days.

School again.

I miss e kisses. Dang.

Went for e UOL- SRC(student relation council; i think?) intereview yesterday morning. Lol, its an interview to get into e council, I thought. The interview was to identify e strength & weakness of e interviewee that can fit into one of e project being held by e council this year, diao. So, I kinda regret going for it. My timetable is already super tight, where e hell am I going to find time? Ya, after 10pm perhaps or before 12pm in e morning, Zzzz. Nonetheless, I still have to get into e council, cant afford to have no CCA during university life right? Heh. Finished e interview at around 1030am, so headed down to boonlay; took a nap on e floor of my shop, lol! I was damn tired la, slept at 4am, woke up at 6am to burn e damn discs, before leaving e house at 8am for e interview, shagged.

Hope everything turns out fine.

School starts!

Lectures are fucking dry.

First day of class : 1st lesson Maths, gan. Seriously, I hated maths back in secondary school & my favourite subject was chemistry, which explained mainly e 'chemistries' I created back then :) Anyway, take a look at my 'O' levels result, e subject with e best score is maths & e worst? english followed by chemistry, Zzzz. Anyway, maths is e only subject that kept me sober most of e time in class. Why? Cos I have questions to solve! My brain tends to go idle attending lectures; its like e LCD screen going into screensaver mode when e computer is left idle for awhile. & e temperature is fantastic, somehow e cold keeps me awake sometimes.

Today: 2nd day of school.
1st lesson, Stats. Fucking early in e morning 830am, I had to wake up at 645am in order not to be late. Still, I was late cos I woke up at 705am instead. Got my usual corner seat; easy to dash for e exit in case of emergency. Hmm, I dont think I remember what happened, most of e time I was struggling to keep awake. Lunch at e foodcourt, ate alone; think thats what will happened for e next 2 yrs, SAD. 2nd lesson, Principle of banking finance. Sounds cool, but in fact fucking dry. Cant blame e lecturer, its mainly words & no graphic which work out best for my brain; 99% idle most of e time. Saw jesline after lesson, OMG she cant recognise me even when I was standing right in front of her, must be e spectacle & my kuku hair. Then, went down to tanglin to get some goods, followed by coffee @Holland village; just like e good old times. As I was settling down, a notion struck me, it was e unoccupied seat. Makes me wonder whether u be still around & if u do, what will u be? Endless of if. Anyway, chencao joined me later on & we went to Clementi food centre for dinner. Damn nice lady, treat me on our 1st meal together, heh.

Back to work later.

Warmth.

Warmth.
It envelopes me & fades my troubles away; temporarily.

I always try to catch e beautiful sight of yours whenever I wake up, but realised that you arent always there. The familiar scent still lingers around but it has been fading away slowly in my mind. It happens to me almost everyday & without fail, this rush of nostalgia builds up in my mind every morning. My baileys with milk isnt helping either.

Maybe that explains why I cant seem to sleep after I wake up.