Trance in e mess..lol

Super tire this morning, was doing guard duty e whole night. In e morning, took over cdt from my friend, instead of doing duty, I went to sleep in e discussion room while Xiaoyi cover for me. Nothing much to do today, cos coy in lull period. So, went to e mess & use com, guess what? She left messages on my msn, realise that she always misinterpret e things I said.(^_-) jOyCe (^-^) SleepinG sent 11/29/2006 3:20 PM:
and i left u nt bcoz of u in army with no time for mi
(^_-) jOyCe (^-^) SleepinG sent 11/29/2006 3:21 PM:
is i really can't trust u.. i can't forgive u or forget it.. it's always in my mind.. u wun understand wad kind of dilemma i am in..
(^_-) jOyCe (^-^) SleepinG sent 11/29/2006 3:21 PM:
anyway, i'm living my life to the fullest..
(^_-) jOyCe (^-^) SleepinG sent 11/29/2006 3:22 PM:
i'm very happy
(^_-) jOyCe (^-^) SleepinG sent 11/29/2006 3:22 PM:
thanks for the memories i ever had..
(^_-) jOyCe (^-^) SleepinG sent 11/29/2006 3:22 PM:
take care den..
Spent an hr talking to marcus, he was sort of wakening me up, I understand what he was trying to convey to me, but e emotional side of me always overcome e logical part of me.
Actually, I was never angry with her & whatever that happen I also don't blame her, cos if I hadn't hit her, all this things will never happen at all. I did try to clarify things with her just now, but she don't want to talk.
At least something good for tonight, I'm alone in e coy line, in e mess listening to trance! Hee, to those trance lovers out there, get Armin Van Buuren latest cd,its damn nice!

tire..

Just woke up, long time never had such a long sleep le, but still quite tire. Hee, just finish editing my blog, but still cant move e shoutbox, will do it next time. Mornings without her around really make a big difference, nowadays I do things like without a aim. Haha, I came across this text a few days ago. "The inexplicable power of love, the thought of building a future together with your loved ones make life a whole lot more meaningful & exciting" Ya, I once had that feeling, arghhh...don't want to think le, go play dota...

Boring day

Went out with siqi & his army mates to watch Andy Lau's Battle of wits, quite a nice show but a sad ending, talks about a young strategist called Ge Li, trying his best to save a city yet betrayed by e very ppl he had helped. Followed by dinner, was still quite early, so I went off alone & walked all e way to esplanade, sorting out of thoughts again. Was there for around half an hr, saw siqi & chun kit went I was about to leave. Lol, seems that they had problem too...

We talked for quite long, hai, both of their r/s problem quite jialat, esp siqi one.. 3 guys sitting beside e merlion talking about their painful past, quite stupid rit. Then, I realise that I'm actually quite lucky all e while to have her, haha, don't know what I was thinking la. I called her to tell her gdnite, she was already asleep le.. Anyway, siqi was damn sad la, chun kit like take it very easy, can't do anything to help except to give a listening ear. Nowadays, most guy friends around me seem to have r/s problem, is it becos of e army? I think more or less it affect our r/s ba, but I always take army as a test. A test to prove whether e r/s is strong enough to withstand e time factor. I very tire nowadays, keep on yawning non-stop, going to sleep le, nite...

Confuse...

Damn,I realise I always blog about e day b4 events,haha..No choice la, this few times been going back home at 5/6am, then report straight back to camp, only at night then can write. Let's talk about yesterday, was using msn in e morning, saw her online, so decided to give her a call, didnt talk much, just ask her how has her trip been. After 5mins, I ended e call then told her to take care of herself in msn. She replied 'same to you', then wrote that this past 1 week, she's been thinking of our r/s. She don't feel as sad as she think she will be & she feel more 'lighter' now. She also feel that she don't love me as much as she had thought & as e day goes by, e feeling is getting weaker. She says that she cannot be selfless & don't think she got e confidence to trust me again. So, she thinks that we only can be friends now & ask me to let go. Lol, starting of e day kena this kind of shit, damn screw la. Anyway, I told her I have e same sentiments as in I can take this breakup, but I still feel very sad. Still e same old things, I have to rush to meet Junrong & donovan, my BMT buddies, so ended her.

Finally met up with them at heeren's Spinelli, actually been seeing them all this while cos we are all in SISPEC, but never have e chance to have a group conversation. Junrong was quite sian & tulan? His gf of 7 years has been seeing her ex bf recently & wants to have a break in e r/s, so junrong was telling us that he going brunei next week, wouldnt have e chance to meet up with her. Hai, he's quite a emotionally strong man, however, can see e sadness in his eyes, afterall I've gone thru this shit before. Then, they ask me about my progress with her, they also feel sian for me, anyway, too bore for this r/s thing, we went to have a walk around orchard & parted ways in PS.

Actually today schedule pack, after parting with jun & don, met up with my poly cliques which consist of my good brothers, vic, james & marcus & xiu. Went to billy bombers to eat, e cookies & cream milk shake is awesome la. Then, james & vic cb, order coleslaw & throw to me halfway, hee, veggies lover. After dinner, vic has to book in, he's having an inspection 2molo, e rest of us then headed down to chimjes to have a drink & watch soccer. While walking towards it, sudden tot of her, we used to walk alot last time around orchard area. I ordered long island tea & long beach tea, diao, is like long island tea 'po', cos e alcohol in it is so little. Went off to esplanade at 12plus, walk around, then they left first, cos I wana to think about e r/s thing, don't seem to make any headstart, memories just keep flowing back, reach home at 2am. Saw her online again, talk to her on msn, on e phone. Somehow, I feel that she was really listening to what I said, maybe crying? or issit that she wants to tell me something. I don't know, I was very emotional, ai dao bu fa zhi ba, she was tired then, so ended up e call.

Alrit,today events...
Nothing much, went down to SIB, e i/o told me that some of my coy mates alleged that I may have stolen some of e missing stuffs, cos I'm always around when it happened. To add further salt, they suggested to e i/o that I might have fabricated my story to act as one of e victims..Wtf, I'm not that poor lo, even if I'm, I also wouldnt resort to this. Hai, so he suggested a polygraphy test which I readily agree, wan to prove my innocent ma. After interview, went down to woodlands & had lunch with beng & gui, hai, they keep bombarding me about her, I just keep mum most of e time. Anyway, went to library & got some books, need to occupy myself during my free time!

I just hope that time can bridge e gap between us...

Its over!!

Finally! The carnival is over, thx to those Delta ppl, they were e ones doing most of e packing up, I wasn't really concentrating e whole day,keep on falling asleep, had only half an hr of rest after coming back from Momo. Lol, saw donovan while manning e photo station, had one taken with him, was supposed to go Zouk with him, but was quite tire, went to play lan with jj instead. Hmm, went to cineleisure 9 flr, they sorta like revamp it into a gaming centre, damn ex sia, $4 an hr, play until ard 5am then went off...Seems like got so much things to do, yet my mind jus only think of one thing, hai. Later, meeting Junrong & donovan, cos junrong going brunei for training, he also poor thing la, gf of 7 yrs jus broke up with him, he wanted to find someone to talk to, so lending a listening ear to me. Alright, going off, will continue at night..

Tiring day

Went to play dota yesterday with jj, ken & siqi. Lol, Ken & I reached there earlier, saw alot of secondary guys & girls in their prom dress, then sudden flashback of my secondary prom, quite fun that time even though we never did much. Jj came later on, talk to him for awhile about what I felt after seeing her blog, he asked me "Do you think she is e one for you?" Well, I told him I don't know but deep inside me, I always feel that she is, but after so much cracks in this relationship, is it still possible for things to go on down e road. I've been doing what Qin told me to do, but really hard, e more I try to forget, e more i think of her. Hai, so off we went to play lan until morning 6am, ken really fuck up, play for so long, still so damn noob, always die, don't know what to say about him. Went home, pack things up & sleep till 9am, then have to rush to SIB for interview regarding my stolen handphone case. Stupid i/o, took e interview in 2 session until I nearly fall asleep, went off at 1.30pm. Guess that I was really tired for this past 1 week, cos I overslept on e bus & ended in tuas,haha...

Back to camp, same thing, alot of goodie bags to pack, finally got to book out, book in 2molo morning at 715am! super early lo, no choice la, tis is e consequence of not having 3 strips & above. Later going to MOMO to chill out,haha..Not really la, don't really like to club, just that want to make myself preoccupy with things, staying at home will just make me think of e things we did. Have to stand one whole night again liao... I sudden miss her potato pork stew..

Tiring day

As usual, got nights out yesterday, while waiting for my cousin, I went to search for her present. Don't know what to buy, in e end, got a box & 2 bags of scented flowers,lol..Now have to think about what to put inside e box.

Let's talk about today then, early in e morning wake up, have to rush off to coy office do stuffs le, cos 9am got meeting for e family day on this coming Saturday. Speaking of which, this damn carnival really waste alot of my time, it seems that me & e other OOC are e organiser, have to do this, do that, machiam like bangladesh workers. Worse still, most of e sergeants only eye power lo,4pm all zhao liao.& e rest of us were still there painting banners with my whole hand full of paint. Well, for all e hard work that's done, I got my nights off, but decided to stay put. Cos, book out also nothing to do, used to be that I will go & look for her, haha..Life's cruel at times, when I needed e time, I just don't get it. Now she's not around, I've so much spare time. Don't know how she's doing now, Miss her though..

Another day just past...

Managed to call her yesterday, was telling her not to smoke, somehow she got angry again, then hang up my phone. Nevermind, this morning I msg her cos wanted to ask her how she's going to celebrate her bdae,she called back, then said she has no idea about it.Maybe, I will take 1 day leave & hope that I can spend some time with her. She's going KL later with her mum, for how long, she never specified, can't talk to her again for a week plus..

Lots of work to do today, basically, my campmates & I have to prepare stuffs for this coming weekend carnival, we have to prepare brochure(mainly done by me cos only I know how to use photoshop), boards which involve painting & templating.Worst of all,we have to walk through e rain to carry 2 huge metal pylon for e flying fox station. Heng, CSM got xim, give us nights off. Well, I met dorcas while standing at Jurong pt entrance, I was quite stun when she called me, haha, I don't know what was on my mind at that time. Anyway, I tried to call her 5mins later & ask her for a chat but she had to rush home. You know what's strange, everytime whenever I have a problem, she will just pop out in one way or another. One thing that always puzzle me even more is that, everytime I see her, I just feel very happy. Haha, I don't love anymore, just that she's a special person in my life & e best advisor in my love life. Too bad for those out there, she's already married! Alrit, I going sleep le, blog 2molo le..nite..

Nothing is more chio than a smile that warms your heart.....

the truth always hurt..alot..

Back from camp, just now i tried to call her, but she was sleeping & sound quite piss off. Hai...
Went to see her blog, after viewing her past archive, I feel so lost. All this while, I've been giving my 100% commitment to this relationship, I don't expect her to reciprocate but at least show me that you appreciate. As i read thru e archives, I realise that there are so much things u hid from me, so much lies u have been making up to cover your doings. Worst of all, u met him & went out with him without me knowing a single thing at all,I've been a fool all along. Always thinking that this relationship is perfect, that your love for me has always been strong..I'm so wrong, yet I can only blame myself for being so naive. Though she has her wrongdoings, I don't really blame her, afterall loving someone is to love her wholeheartedly & accepting her for who she is. Really damn disheartening, disappointing, never once in my life has anyone hurt me so deeply. No matter where I am, e surroundings will jus trigger memories that I have with her & I just have to control my tears.

Actually I met her yesterday during beng's birthday celebration. At 1st, beng told me she was coming, but b4 I went out of camp, he sudden msg me say she not free to go, but I went anyway, harbouring hopes that she might come. I was e last to reach, didnt get to see her. Suddenly, she pops out with her buddy,then join us alone. She sat right across me, but I don't what to say to her. No, I do know what I want to tell her, but I just can't get it out or maybe its that I find it useless to her anyway. Well, she was there for a good 20mins then went off. During that time, I was fighting my tears again, asking myself why e both of us are in this situation? Then she msg beng to ask me to get something else to eat cos I only ordered coleslaw & a milkshake, that doesn't mean much. After dinner, we tried to go play pool but full house so end up at starbucks, alan got a muffin & simulate as a cake,lol. I went off with chang at ard 11pm, had problem getting a taxi, hav to back in camp by 2359hrs,haha, I wasnt even suppose to be out of camp,anyway,manage to reach camp in time.
Went to use e mess, then one of my pri schmate sudden chat with me on msn, telling me not to give up,haha..After which I log off & went to sleep.

At this moment, I really feel very down, so much things have happen, yet I don't know anything,really feel like giving up...

My maiden post

Damn, my 1st posting done in camp. Sad, 1st time kena weekend duty, guess that you don't have a choice when you in e army. It's been 2 weeks since we break up, I've been trying to preoccupy myself by going out with my friends, but e more I do it, e more I misses her. Lol, even this blog is created to use up my time. Well, I think that I will be writing about her most of the time. Hai, tommorrow is beng's 21st birthday, haven't get anything for him yet. Then, alan, gui & joel are celebrating for him tonight, I thought of going if not for this duty, actually I already had a scheduled meeting with my bmt mates, but I would actually prefer to go out with beng they all. Haha, maybe it's becos she's there? Neh, cos it's beng's 21st birthday, speaking of which, I known him since sec 2, trustworthy guy who always screw up in front of gals,haha.. Time flies, everyone around me are moving into adult stage, busying with their work & tertiary studies. Well, I also been thinking about this since I 1st started work at 15? Having a stable job is a must for me, cos I always wanted to settle down early. Hopefully I can achieve my career goal 2 yrs after I finish army which is another 1 yr 4mths to go. As for now, I have to rethink my career options, my future plans cos she isn't around. Of cos, I definitely hope that she can be it,anyway, I decided not to sign on for army. Hehe, most of my friends were relieved to hear this, guess that I will be going back to help my mentor in his export line ba..Tat's all for my brief intro..

I miss you joyce...