the truth always hurt..alot..

Back from camp, just now i tried to call her, but she was sleeping & sound quite piss off. Hai...
Went to see her blog, after viewing her past archive, I feel so lost. All this while, I've been giving my 100% commitment to this relationship, I don't expect her to reciprocate but at least show me that you appreciate. As i read thru e archives, I realise that there are so much things u hid from me, so much lies u have been making up to cover your doings. Worst of all, u met him & went out with him without me knowing a single thing at all,I've been a fool all along. Always thinking that this relationship is perfect, that your love for me has always been strong..I'm so wrong, yet I can only blame myself for being so naive. Though she has her wrongdoings, I don't really blame her, afterall loving someone is to love her wholeheartedly & accepting her for who she is. Really damn disheartening, disappointing, never once in my life has anyone hurt me so deeply. No matter where I am, e surroundings will jus trigger memories that I have with her & I just have to control my tears.

Actually I met her yesterday during beng's birthday celebration. At 1st, beng told me she was coming, but b4 I went out of camp, he sudden msg me say she not free to go, but I went anyway, harbouring hopes that she might come. I was e last to reach, didnt get to see her. Suddenly, she pops out with her buddy,then join us alone. She sat right across me, but I don't what to say to her. No, I do know what I want to tell her, but I just can't get it out or maybe its that I find it useless to her anyway. Well, she was there for a good 20mins then went off. During that time, I was fighting my tears again, asking myself why e both of us are in this situation? Then she msg beng to ask me to get something else to eat cos I only ordered coleslaw & a milkshake, that doesn't mean much. After dinner, we tried to go play pool but full house so end up at starbucks, alan got a muffin & simulate as a cake,lol. I went off with chang at ard 11pm, had problem getting a taxi, hav to back in camp by 2359hrs,haha, I wasnt even suppose to be out of camp,anyway,manage to reach camp in time.
Went to use e mess, then one of my pri schmate sudden chat with me on msn, telling me not to give up,haha..After which I log off & went to sleep.

At this moment, I really feel very down, so much things have happen, yet I don't know anything,really feel like giving up...