Why?

Sometimes u wonder, whether e ones whom have been with u along e road, are e ones who understand u? Isnt it baffling that we often use time to deem how strong a friendship/relationship is? But deep down inside, u know that it isnt really a strong indicator?

Lol. I have been thinking hard for e past few days, about e last 5 years of my life in r/s, of what I had done, what I went thru & what did I learnt.

A bad temper which I have been curbing.
That I cant take love as e main priority in life.
I learnt that there are some barriers which u can never overcome in life no matter how determined u are to break them.
Never to be complacent.
No matter what happen, life still goes on.

Problem is, each new r/s brings a whole new perspective into your life. I thought I could use whatever I learnt from e previous ones to prevent history from repeating; but e rules change everytime. All I want, is just that everyone be happy. I always try to, but there is bound to be one party that is neglected. To make things worse, I didnt realise what I neglected & I might be losing it forever. Maybe to some of my friends, they think whatever am doing is futile while some think that it still worth a try. I understand e individual viewpoints, but havent u guys thought that its my happiness? I love her & there is one thing which I never really mentioned much, she has always been my priority; I treat her as my family. Nevermind if any of u arent happy with my decision, but at least respect it? The yearly chalet with u guys have always been an occasion I always look forward to. Without fail, I would attend e 3 days, regardless of any activities, am game for it. To all your requests, have I ever say no to anything? So, now am just making a very simple request, and thats to just only spend alittle more time with her; is that asking too much? Seriously, I can just forgo e chalet & spend e time with her? And e thing is, I know that how important this gathering is to all of us & thats why there is a need for you guys to know beforehand. Cos she is important to me, & so are u guys.

Hai.. I dont know how to express myself well most of e time, though talking crap am e best in it. Lol, I sudden thought of e 1st time we had coffee at starbucks in orchard. Life it is as it is.

Hope things turn out well..

I just..

miss u alot.

What should I do?

Sometimes it gets too irrational till I keep constantly questioning myself what am I really thinking? Maybe some arent, or maybe am just thinking too much? I worry alot nowadays too, some of which I thought that I never had to worry at all. Well, perhaps I brought it upon myself cos I get complacent easily. If I were to ask for assurance, I scared that it will add on to e pressure & if I dont, I will worry unnecessarily. And e fact that, am not in a position to ask, its also very demoralising too. On top of this, exams coming in a few month, which I have to put more effort in it.

Suck in a deep breath & let it out.

To put it simply, nothing fazes me, except for e fear of losing u.

Dating again!

The past few days have been a rude awakening for me. I realised that most of what I did in my relationship was wrong, I totally mishandled it. Given e time, I could have spent more time with her, dedicate more attention to her, but I didnt. I thought that everything was going smoothly, but all along, she was just compromising. Seriously, I have always been happy with her, her smiles just brighten up my day, no matter how dull it was. The efforts that she put in & e difficult position I put her in, made me felt how awful a boyfriend I was to her, to e extent that I even felt sorry for myself. The way I express myself often get misunderstood or misled people, I wonder is it e perception I give to people? Sometimes I meant well, dont want to trouble others, but e messages often get across in a different way. But, I do appreciate e things u done, in fact, everything :)

Am trying hard to work things out. On e other hand, reminding myself not to rush into it. I know that e sense of urgency, do get in e way of getting things done. Perhaps, am just too anxious to get your acknowledgement.

Am glad that u at least forgive me & also give us a chance to make things work out again. Lol, I do enjoy e process of dating u again. Really.

& Hopefully, things will turn out fine.

Why?

I dont know what to say. Dont know what to do. I always thought that everything was fine, but it turned out to be a false blanket. Is it so hard to love someone? I always hear stories of how couples battle odds to get together, overcoming obstacles through e stages of their love life. And e so call morale of e stories? Love bearth it all. Lol, sure, only in e stories. Perhaps, I didnt try my best? But is it really e case? I also have my own share of misgivings which I brushed aside, thinking that no one is perfect.

If u ask me, whether have I been happy with u. I do, all e while. Never have I ever felt unhappy with u.

If u ask me, what is in e future?

I cant give u a definite answer.

All I can say is,

I love u.

The joke is on e table. table. table.

LOL. I nearly fell off my bed when I read e post. Some stories are really damn hilarious when u realised u were part of e joke then; I thought it was one of my happiest moments. Well, more of a good laugh for me now, haha. Ah, I been missing alot from blogging. So, some major events that happened.

1. 5 days/4 nites on Lombok island
With my lady, my psp & a few novels. Fantastic holiday, we went for snorkelling around Gili islands, superb view with beautiful corals. Got to see sea turtles, beautiful ang mohs & e best of all; nasi goreng, SG standard is really damn lousy. Am so gona hunt for another nice island for my next year holiday. Oh ya, I got e 'best' sunburnt of my life, 4 days of backaching, 3 days of skin peeling & still counting :D

2. Having diarrhea for e past few days. Dont know what happened, what caused & when will stop. Practically what I ate came out in liquid form, packaged with various sounds that I reckon most musical instruments cant produce. Verdict: The guy above providing a free sliming program. No chilli for e next few days.

3. My liquer craving is back again, especially with gin. Been thinking & thinking about having gin lime at nights. Hrmm, but I went light; only bianco with 7 up. Oh ya, I finally got e Tanqueray; got it in Australia but was left forgotten with xilei. No worries, its been on my mind all e time.

4. What else? Xmas coming. Am expecting presents. Perhaps a maserati? Ha. Looks like this year xmas fun planning will be hard. So, I decided, if demands > I can handle = Ok bye folks. Haha, spend e lovely evening with my lady.

2.40am liao. Its kooning time.

Updates.

I dont know why, but I got a dreadful feeling on going back. Hai, means I have to forgo my sunday brunch @ Paulaner, gan. On e brighter side, holidays in 2 weeks time! Wee~