New year eve!!

Just woke up, had a great night out yesterday with James & Marcus. We went to vivocity to catch death note 2, the show was ok la, just that I didnt expect e ending to end in that way. Well, was window shopping around, actually looking for a tea flask, got e sudden urge to get one & brew tea, lol. I went to daiso, quite alot of things can be bought there, like kitchen utensil; household stuff etc. Then, I went to e rooftop, e view is quite nice there, very serene, maybe I feel serenity around e place, but then no star leh, maybe cloudy night? Dont know, a certain feeling was running through me, haha. After e show, we went to saint james power station. Sad, of all people, only my id kena check -_-". We went to boiler room for awhile, then stayed at powerhouse till 3am. Overall e music is average, service sucks, why? Because, there was a lack of servers & bartenders, we waited quite long for e drinks & when we asked e pricing, some of them werent sure about it, even their closing time, it was an estimation they gave us -_-". The crowd more of mature ba, because guys age limit is 21 while girls are 18, seems like we were e youngest in e crowd. Surprisingly, their long island tea is quite cheap, $15 a glass, I like e taste though it wasnt as strong as e one in Onyx before.酒为什么好喝，因为他难喝, hehehe...

Today new year eve, I'm thinking of going clubbing, but will be very crowded, maybe have dinner with my friends ba. Haha, 1st time in 3 years, spending new year & not watching fireworks with you, miss e times. Nevermind, must roll out my new resolutions liao...

Yeah, finally reached home after being in camp for 2 days without internet access. Its horrible without internet, cant login to msn chat with my friends, check my mail or write my blog. Basically, these 2 days doing nothing just simple paperwork in camp & "piaing" american gods, great novel I can say. Then, I received a sms on thursday, one of my army mate lose heavily in soccer bets, ask me for help, but I cant help him, just advise him not to play anymore. Hai, is it so hard to restrain on your bets meh? Just have a sense of self control & responsibility ma.

Today, nothing to do again. Haha, actually got quite alot of things for me to do, but I just dont have e mood to go & do it. It takes time for this storm of mine to cool down, just applied my remaining leave, going to be on leave for another 4 more days after e next week. Any programmes anyone? Was talking to choohui just now, lol, she also just broke up with her bf 1mth ago, seems that she got over it too, same old answer, same old advice, haha, this is a vicious cycle. Guess that I'm those who take a longer time to recover...

My mind's a blank..

Just came back from camp. 1st thing I do is to switch on e com & write my emotions on this blog, I'm really in a daze, dont know what to do. I try not to think at all, but 心还是那么的痛.Yesterday ---> I didnt get to book out, because encik last minute dont allow, in e end, I wasted my $8 on my movie ticket, supposed to watch deathnote 2 with beng & alan. Then, went to e mess, found out keys with encik, go thru e back,; e windows not opened. Great, went to get my newspaper in coy office, cant find it, must be someone who took it. So, I msg her asking whether she free to talk. Lol, she told me she not free, talking to her boyfriend. Hai, e thing that I dreaded e most finally happen, e next 2 hrs, I was standing outside e corridor looking at e dark red sky. Aferwhich, I called her, maybe this is e last time I tell her how I feel & to wish her happiness, lol, I also dont know what I doing. 如果他真的是你的快乐，选择他，希望你真的快乐. 虽然我在骗自己，我真的希望你能得到你要的兴福.In e end, I think she was quite pissed off, which I kinda expect & e rain continue until 3am plus. I didnt manage to sleep well, kept crying & my mind was filled with thoughts, vivid images of me & her.

In e end, caught a flu, luckily not much work today, I just stayed in e office reading "American gods". I told JJ i cant help him next week, really dont have e 心 to do things now. All along I thought that there are still some things that you are holding on to, but seeing e pictures no longer there & e presence of that ring, I can see e msg you are telling me; You have totally given up?. IHaha, of course, I hope that I'm wrong. Am I making any conclusion? I also dont know, I really dont know... 我只知道我很真的想你...

Nothing is for certain...

1st time having such a bad hangover, still having headache now. Xmas was good, though e meal i prepared sucks, but then, still finish 90% of it, hee. Hai, by looking at their faces, my white russian sucks too. Sad, if only you were around. Then e whole group of us; 1st time my sec & poly friends went out together.... to play DOTA! Hahaha.. Nb, they keep on pawning e noobs, play till xmas itself, but then e whole night not over yet. We moved off at 1230 to clarke quay but alan they all didnt go. So, me, james, marcus & xiu went to MOS, drank at retro room, then we walked around, found a new room! Haha, its e clinic! The music there is not bad, trance based, sorta of remain there for e next 3 hrs i think? I wasnt going to drink that much, but quite relaxed, so unknowingly drink until drunk. Actually marcus was e one who was drunk 1st, was going to send him home, then I became e next victim. Lol, next time cannot mix liquer with red wine liao, really killer la..

Well, it wasnt as bad as I thought how this year xmas will be, thx guys, I really enjoyed myself, haha, but xmas wish not fufilled, shall make e same wish again next year! New year eve here I come!!

What do you really know?

I've been struggling with my emotions all this while, what do you really know? I always have to put up a strong front while talking to you, trying to keep my tears, you know how hard it is? No matter how good my intentions are, its always misunderstood by you. You wanted me to keep a distance, yet you said we are dirfting apart? How am I suppose to know to do what; without interaction, without proper communication, how will things go on between us?

Can you just for once use your heart to listen & talk to me? Rather than using what you think is right? No matter where I go; Taking a bus, e usual you leaning on my shoulder is not there; walking around malls, e familiar hand holding me secure is not there; in my room, e often laughter & e conversations we had are no longer there, yet when I wake up everyday, e 1st thing I wish to see is that you are sleeping beside me. What do you know? That I'm emotionally torn inside out & you're not doing a single thing? I'm not blaming you, rather I blame myself for not being able to do a single thing & just know how to cry only. I want to spend xmas with you though its not possible, I wish that you can do something to improve e r/s between us...

Sian..kena tua..

Met up with Yuxin in e afternoon, had lunch with her coffee club in holland v, very nice place cos very quiet, literally no people. Lucky gal lo, she going US to study for 6mths, some more tuition fees sponser with allowance!! Diao, I also want to go overseas! Chatted with her till 3pm, then we parted our ways at commonwealth. I went to ntuc to get e food stuffs for tommorow dinner, my neighbourhood's ntuc damn ou piao, alot of things dont have, but also good la, I ask e beng to buy for me, save my $$ too! Actually, suppose to go Momo later, but some idiots cos dont have car, then dont want to go, damn fuck up la. I cancel my other friends' outing just for e night lo, then because of a stupid transport tingy, they dont wan to go, grow up leh? Then next time marry your wife, e car halfway spoilt, then dont marry lo. Damn frustrated. Hopefully tommorow they dont screw up, at least give me a trouble-less xmas eve.

Heng, shi yan jio me for movies in town, going watch flyboys later, afterwhich heading to Long bar at raffles hotel. Lol, I dont have mood to drink, but still wana drink, crap...

幸福就是当你戴上我给你的戒指，点头对我说 yes 的时候...

Fall asleep unknowingly on e desk last night, must be due to e liquers, lol. At least I didnt wake up till 11am. Anyway, discussed with Alan & Beng that 24th there will be a gathering, I will be cooking spaghetti & finger food, going with liquer cocktails that I will be concocting. Anyone who want to come, just sms me ba, need to count e no. of people. Hai, looks like its going to be a boring day & I'm still reeling from what she said, fuck, go sleep again..